Czy pamietasz te hity? Czy wiesz skad to sie wzielo?
SErr:128-
SErr:128 Zobacz także powiązane tematycznie strony. Można to traktowac jako reklame.strony www mieszkania do wynajęcia Kalisz Paryż replacement parts for power tools toto mix
| Kategoria SMS- |
Losowy SMS: How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better. . How many film directors
does it take
to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two
times and when he's done,
everyone says that his last light bulb was
much better. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(many): 196 . Q: How many
actors does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I
could've done
that." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 134 . Q: How many grips does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 104 . Q: How many Union
Lighting Technicians
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It's not a bulb, it's a
globe. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 118 . Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a
mine shaft?
A: A flat minor. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 81 . Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so
the
saplings won't blow away?
A: Root position cords. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 107 . Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a
perfect unison?
A: Shoot one. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 73 . Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and
one
says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last
night?"
A: The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my
fife." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 195 . Q:
What is the difference between a saxophone
and a chainsaw?
A: It's all in the grip. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 91 . Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her
rocking chair?
A: She wanted to rock and roll Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 92 . An elderly lady did her shopping and,
upon
returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with
her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding
to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know
how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags !"
The four men
didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran
like mad,
whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her
shopping
bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's
seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She
tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later
she
found her own car parked four or five spaces farther
down.
She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police
station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two
with
laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter,
where four pale
white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad
elderly woman
described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and
curly white hair carrying
a large handgun. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(elderly): 1143 . Three old ladies met on the street on a very
stormy
day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty
in
hearing each other.
"It's windy," said one.
"No, it's Thursday," said the next.
"So am I," said the third.
"Let's go and have a drink!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(old): 276 . An old
man visits his doctor and after
thorough examination the doctor tells
him: "I have good news and bad
news, what would you like to hear
first?"
Patient: "Well, give
me the bad news first."
Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate
that you have about two years
left."
Patient: "OH NO! That's
awefull! In two years my life will be over!
What kind of good news
could you probably tell me, after this???"
Doctor: "You also have
Alzheimer's. In about three months you are
going to forget
everything I told you." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(old): 548 . For the first time in many
years, a an old
man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a
movie.
After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to
purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help
but comment, "The last
time I came to the movies, popcorn was only
15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin,
"You're really
going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(the): 453 . Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by
eleven o'clock."
She said, "But Father, I'm no longer a
child!"
He said, "I know, that's why I want you home by
eleven." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(said): 185 . With four
daughters and one son always
dashing to school activities and part-time
jobs, our schedule was
hectic.
To add to this, we kept running out of household
supplies.
I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any
item by writing it down on a note pad on the
refrigerator.
As a reminder, I wrote at the top: "IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT
DOWN."
When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I
found the
following message:
"MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT
OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT 'OUT OF
IT."' Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(four): 568 . A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My
wife is pregnant, and
her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you
idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(man): 233 . A man
and his wife were making their first
doctor visit, the wife being
pregnant with their first
child.
After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and
stamped
the wife's stomach with indelible ink.
The couple was
curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got
home, the
husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it
was.
In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come
back and see me." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(man): 480 . The man passed out in a dead faint as he came
out of
his front door onto the porch.
Someone dialed 911.
When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness
and
asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
"It was
enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for
the keys
to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out
with
the lawn mower." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(man): 411 . Why did the pig go to the casino ?
To play the
slop machine ! Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(did): 65 . What do you call a pig with three eyes?
...A
piiig Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(do): 54 . A city child came running into the farmhouse. "No
wonder
that mama pig is so big," she yelled.
"There's a bunch
of little pigs out there blowing her up!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(city): 161 . A
pig's favorite movie:
The Monster That
Ate New York. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków( pig's): 60 . All our pigs are learning karate.
Oh, I don't
believe that
No? Well, just watch out for their chops. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(our): 106 . Republicans say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(say): 70 . Republicans help the poor during
the
holidays by sending 50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the
street. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(help): 118 . Democrats get back at the Republicans on
their Christmas list by
giving them fruitcakes.
Republicans re-wrap
them and send them to in-laws. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(get): 147 . Democrats let
their kids open all the
gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until
Christmas morning. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(let): 127 . When
toasting the holidays, Republicans
ask for eggnog or mulled wine.
Democrats ask for a "Bud." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków( toasting): 103 . The Boston taxi driver backed into the
stationary
fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him.
"Name?"
"Brendan O'Connor."
"Same as mine. Where are
you from?"
"County Cork."
"Same as me......"
The
policeman paused with his pen in the air.
"Hold on a moment and
I'll come back and talk about the old county. I
want to say
something to this fella that ran into the back of your
cab." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(boston): 438 . Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to
avoid a box that fell
out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a
policeman pulled him
over for reckless driving. Fortunately,
another officer had seen the
carton in the road. The policmen stopped
traffic and recovered the box. It
was found to contain large
upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver,
"but I am still
going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks
evasion." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(to): 542 . A policeman pulls a man over
for speeding
and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man
over he
says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are
bloodshot. Have
you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says,
"Officer, I couldn't help but
notice your eyes are glazed. Have you
been eating doughnuts?" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(policeman): 350 . A
local policeman had just finished his
shift one cold November evening and
was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years
on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes
dear, what happened ?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal,
one of them was drinking
battery acid and the other was eating
fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did
you do with
them ?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and
let the other off." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków( local): 546 . A new man
is brought into Prison Cell 102.
Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.
The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
The
old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out.
You'd never
believe that I used to live the life of Riley.
I wintered on the
Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most
beautiful women, and
I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The new man
asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards
missing!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(new): 533 . A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit. Finally the
bee turned around and flew away. Why?
The rabbit had two b's
already. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(bumble): 123 . Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come
from?
Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older.
Baby Rabbit:
Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now.
Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you
were pulled from a magician's
hat. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(rabbit): 223 . Did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a
watch factory?
Alike did was stand around making faces. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 108 . Did you hear about the egg
laden rabbit who
jumps off bridges?
He's the Easter Bungee! Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 91 . Did you hear about the pub owner who raised
a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare! Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 89 . A local priest and pastor stood by the side
of
the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn
yourself
around now before it's too late!"
They planned to
hold up the sign to each passing car.
"Leave us alone you
religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he
sped by.
From around
the curve they heard a big splash. "Do you think," said
one clergy
to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says
'bridge
out' instead?" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(local): 472 . A little girl spoke to her teacher about
whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale
to swallow a
human because even though it is a very large mammal,
its throat is very
small.
The little girl said, "But how can
that be? Jonah was swallowed by a
whale."
Irritated, the
teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human. "It is
physically impossible!" she said.
Undaunted, the little girl said,
"Well, when I get to heaven I will
ask Jonah."
To this, the
teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(little): 573 . Old Mrs.
Watkins awoke one spring morning
to find that the river had flooded the
entire first floor of her
house. Looking out of her window, she saw
that the water was still
rising.
Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation
to row to
safety with them. "No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied.
"The Lord will
provide." The men shrugged and rowed on.
By
evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the
roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered
to pick her up. "Don't trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord
will provide."
Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge
atop the chimney. When a
Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she
waved it on, shouting, "The
Lord will provide."
So the boat
left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.
Dripping wet and
thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates
and demande
d to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried.
"For cryin' out
loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(mrs): 1062 . A
priest was called away for an
emergency. Not wanting to leave the
confessional unattended, he called his
rabbi friend from across the street
and asked him to cover for
him.
The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest
told
him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit
and show
him what to do.
The rabbi comes, and he and the
priest are in the confessional. In a
few minutes, a woman comes in and
says, 'Father, forgive me for I have
sinned.'
The priest
asks, 'What did you do?'
The woman says, 'I committed
adultery.'
The priest says, 'How many times?'
And the woman
replies, 'Three.'
Priest: 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the
box, and go and sin no
more.'
A few minutes later a man
enters the confessional. He says, 'Father
forgive me for I have
sinned.'
'What did you do?'
I committed adultery.'
r
'How many times?'
'Three times.'
The priest
says, 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and
sin no
more.'
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so
the priest
leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters
and says, 'Father, forgive me
for I have sinned.'
The
rabbi says, 'What did you do?'
The woman replies, 'I committed
adultery.'
The rabbi, getting it off pat, says, 'How many
times?'
The woman replies, 'Once.'
The rabbi said, 'Go and
do it two more times, We have a special this
week, three for
$5.' Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków( priest): 1504 . A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in
dire
trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious
financial
trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.
He goes
into the synagogue and begins to pray
"God, please
help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some
money, I'm
going to lose my house as well, please let me win the
lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Jacob goes back
to the synagogue.
"God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost
my business, my house
and I'm going to lose my car as
well".
Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!!
Back to the
synagogue.
"My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my
business, my house,
my car and my wife and children are starving. I
don't often ask you
for help and I have always been a good servant to
you. Why won't you
just let me win the lotto this one time so
I can get my life back in
order???".
Suddenly there is a
blinding flash of light as the heavens open and
Jacob is confronted
by the voice of GOD himself:
"JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE,
BUY A DAMN TICKET" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(jewish): 1162 . A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down
and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and
shoots
the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager
shouts,
"Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you
didn't pay for
your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the
manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it
up!"
The manager opens
his dictionary and sees the following definition for
panda: "A tree
dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by
distinct black
and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(panda): 579 . Three
couples are dining
together.
The American husband says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey".
The
English husband says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar".
The
[you name it] husband says to his wife: "Pass me the steak, Dumb
cow". Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków( couples): 257 . Two men were in a restaurant and ordered
fish. The waiter
brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the
other. One of the men said
to the other, "Please help yourself." The
other one said "Okay",
and helped himself to the larger fish. After
a tense silence, the first
one said, "really, now, if you had
offered me the first choice, I would
have taken the smaller fish!" The
other one replied, "What are you
complaining for; you have it,
don't you?" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(men): 478 . "What flavors of ice cream
do you have?"
inquired the customer.
"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate,"
answered the new waitress in a
hoarse whisper.
Trying to be
sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have
laryngitis?"
"No...."
replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm....
vanilla,
strawberry, and chocolate." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(what): 347 . Did you hear about the new
restaurant on
the moon? Great food but no atmosphere. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 84 . A salesman walking along the beach found a
bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"I will
grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since
Satan
still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as
well -- only double."
The salesman thought about this for a while.
"For my first wish, I
would like ten million dollars," he
announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and
assured
the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has
just
received $20,000,000," the genie said.
"I've
always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari
appeared. "But your rival has just received two
Ferraris," the genie said.
"And what is your last wish?"
"Well," said the salesman, "I've
always wanted to donate a kidney
for transplant." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(salesman): 869 |